You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
