hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
