i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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