My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
