my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
