i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
