It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
