I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
