I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
