Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
