Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
