why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
