I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
