You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
