i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
