awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
