i permit you to call me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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