I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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