but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
