Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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