Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
