So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
