I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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