She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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