So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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