So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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