God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
