i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
