I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
