im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
