at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
