I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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