Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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