"it" just moved
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
