I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
