Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
