Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
