Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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