First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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