Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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