The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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