The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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