The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
