oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
