either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
