O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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