Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
