I puked a lego.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She needs sedatives and a leash
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
