Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
