Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
